Saying "No" Goes Against the Grain: UK funeral directors’ experiences and the complexities of ‘choice’ during and beyond the COVID-19 pandemic

‘[We’re] not used to having to say, “No” to our families. Where it is legally possible, we will always give them what they want.’
The idea of funeral ‘personalisation’ receives significant emphasis in the UK, especially for secular funerals. Funeral directors often seek to facilitate what clients ‘want’ or ‘choose,’ and may see this as an important aspect of providing ‘care.’
In the first years of the COVID-19 pandemic, funeral options were constrained in various respects by legal restrictions and other measures put in place to reduce the spread of the coronavirus. Interviews with funeral directors about their experiences of these times revealed the discomfort many felt at having to ‘say no’ and to - sometimes reluctantly - enforce unfamiliar boundaries. These interviews – together with those conducted with bereaved individuals – also highlighted complexities relating to the notion of funeral ‘choice’ and signalled creative and sometimes innovative ways in which funeral directors could serve people well and offer ‘good’ funerals when options were constrained. The pandemic situation challenged the priority often awarded to ‘choice’ and re-emphasised the different forms care can take.. This paper reflects critically on questions about choice and care in UK funerals beyond the pandemic context.